At sheringham paper, norfolk uk

@ Sheringham Community Paper - Issue 102 - 3 July

Hear SayHearsay

Wow and here we are again, yet another edition of hearsay and I am glad to report that I am writing it from a very sunny Sheringham. Well, what a month! And no, before you ask I haven't left the country to join the Susan Boyle gravy train. No indeed, not that there's plenty of that going on from our own parliamentary friends. In fact me thinks I might just stand in the Euro-elections myself as a candidate for the blatant misappropriation of funds UK dot Com. And what perks I would get? Well, It comes with a lax attitude to actual work time (basically, please yourself), One holiday villa in Spain (with or without dry rot), a second home being let out to your sister in or around London with full rental capacity (optional) copious amounts of ginger nuts, tampons and farm manure. The use of Moat cleaning-r-us firm. Comes recommended as a double package with pools scrubbed-4-you sir. Sounds good? You bet!
It also comes with the use of private chauffeur for family trips to the mall and a generous pay packet. Not to mention a super dooper-bugger the rest of us for life pension and the brilliant cock it up and get found out in the meantime severance golden/platinum handshake. Dear I say more?

And there you have it, the best job in the world. Screw it up and you'll become instantaneously richer than your wildest dreams. Who needs honesty when you can become an MP? Do you know they're almost as well paid, but not quite, as our very own THREE DAY a weekers NINE TILL FIVE doctors here in Sheringham.
Yes you know who I mean, eight option orators! As now the bright idea brigade have us all listening in to what option we need when we call to make an appointment. Sadly those of us suffering from senility seem to forget what exactly it was we needed before the message finishes, so alas it's a waste of time for them to even try. Anyone like myself, who happens to be of a hard working, self employed, under paid, lower class, businessperson, has to take a couple of days leave. As on the first day of calling one tries to speak to someone and to then wait for the Doctor or medical professional to call back, then having to take a second day off to actually see a doctor. I should point out at this stage that if you secured an appointment with your own Doctor I take my hat off to you!

And secondly should you have happened to have called in to make the appointment then we get the farcical arrangement of being sent away with a flea in your ear for having the audacity. Also to be told they can only get a doctor to ring you, but only if you phone them first! No doctor's phone appointments or otherwise can be made at the desk ho ho ho.   Excuse me whilst I put my blood pressure through the roof. So there you have yet another hair brained scheme designed totally to give the doctors even more time on the golf course or their private practice.

It's almost as funny as watching the holidaying folk parade their choice of sandals and three quarter shorts that show off their builder's bottoms with shameless pride, as they search aimlessly for the nearest source of Pro-active yoghurt drink and or a decent selection of pasta! And I say unto them worry not you humble Grockle for thought is not forsaken as shortly there will be for your convenience more grocery shopping in town than even Asda/Wal-Mart could imagine. My God it's like waiting for a bus, you get nothing for years and then three come along at once. I don't really care who gets building consent as long as I can source a carton of orange juice and a bottle of milk for less than an MP's salary with out having an eight mile round trip to get it! Come on Miss Mildmay, what do you say? Take a chill pill and just go with the flow momma! Better still why not write a raunchy book about that eh! You could call it Sauce in the Isle or "Tes-co businesses like show business". Yep I like the sound of that don't you? Me thinks the books will sail out of the shops - all be it at Tesco's etc. Oops but we've been there before haven't we.

Talking about sailing and the like. I happen to have noticed on my dog poo-d adventure down the east end tonight (I actually was stopped in my stride as a little terrier sized dirty so and so, approached me, sniffed, stopped, stooped and defecated in my tracks and ran off to his home up beach road). And I suggest to the owner you go and clear it up! And you know who I mean! Anyway, as I was about to say before I digressed, was that I see the long awaited "other" lifeboat is now in situ. Surrounded with scaffold ready to be entombed for the safe keeping for the visiting and local populous. Also there is considerable building to the Mo tower. Which has been dismantled in readiness for what looks like the skeleton of a glazed watchtower of sorts. Perfect for a shark attack look out post and early tsunami warnings. Not to mention the graffiti artist who has daubed rather nice ship wrecks, old-time fishermen and seals all over the place. An unendorsed public mural painter by any other name would have been be scorned upon. I wonder had the subject matter had have been somewhat more colourful if the council would have given the same sort of credence and more importantly money?

Still I'm not moaning really things could get worse I might not be able to claim for the paint on my expenses! And on that note, happy holidays to one and all. Enjoy your holiday/second home and all the shops you have not helped one jot by not actually living here all the year round. For forcing up the price of the local housing stock 10 fold in the last 10 years, and scuppering any chance the local resident young folk have in ever getting into that market place. Never mind eh, that's progress I suppose.

Well that's all for this month's moan take care till next time. Vic