Page 3, At Sheringham paper, Norfolk UK

Hearsay

Well hello again folks and welcome to this summer's 103rd edition of hearsay. With the hot weather blowing cold and about as reliable as the 5 major bank's fiscal policy, we embark on another season of crowds and potty festivals. Which is almost as crazy as a wacho Jacko funeral. The only difference being is that some of the potties actually make up their faces to be black! So to Sunny Sheringham.

What's been happening I hear you cry. Well not much really. There's a few rumours about alleged canoodling and goings on at the surgery. As yet no sordid little eyebrow lifting snippets in the News of the World or the Sunday Sport (Not that I'd know anything about that one you understand). All I have to say that if it's true some folk should learn to lock their doors when engaged in private matters! Still it has made us all smile and cringe ever so slightly at the thought of it. Now we know why they're all on a three day week. Suffering from exhaustion no doubt. And what with the £100-k plus pay cheque a year, it must be one of the cushiest jobs going. After all we can all empathise with the 9 till 5 slog slumped over a desk. What an endurance!

And moving very swiftly on with a hi nonny no and a somewhat cheeky chuckle to my next bone of contention. Which to this day confuses and frustrates me to the point of abject distraction. And it is worsening by the minute. To what am I referring? And yes you might well ask. Well I will tell you. I am referring to the total inglorious and spurious use of blue badge holders who haphazardly adorn our double yellow lined streets with wanton abandon. Yes folks every glorious English Inch that musters a parking restriction and otherwise is now regularly used as a makeshift private parking lot for the selfish masses. These badges were meant to help the needy disabled few, but alas in recent times this gratuitous over use is now the norm and becoming at best a nuisance and at worst dam right dangerous. I do understand the need for some to be able to park near to certain establishments as the disabled person disembarking may have such incapacity that a long trek would be nigh on impossible.

But in my experience this is not in general the case. As many misuse the badge as a free park to get the hair done or to visit their mates in Daves Two. Just watch the yellows outside St. Peter's church and you'll see what I mean. And then one's eye and attention is brought to the double yellow lines out side the Poppy line station, tourist information and toilet block, not to mention the bus stops, the Chinese take away entrance and the Whislestop corner. All of which you take your life in limb to survive the running of the gauntlet between the parked traffic. And all because you want to much a Ninety Nine at Shering - Henge in company with your "how Mucher?!!'' friends from Leicestershire. Of course the appalling practice is exacerbated by the fact that we no longer have any manned police station to speak of. (Well not manned for any length of hours to be useful at any rate).

We have far too few visits into town by anyone with a parking ticket book to help move on some persistent offenders. Then when we do actually get a man in blue or black as they are now they inform us they have had to come forty miles just to get here. God forbid Sheringham has an incident of any magnitude that warrants the need for more than a trainee P Constable and a diminutive female officer. However in all fairness on a Friday night they are about in force though sadly not for long enough as the party revellers around the main car-park and down town seem to party on later and later. Still at least by then they don't have to worry about bumping into any unsolicited parked cars for the elderly as most of them have garaged the pride and joy and perched up into the land of nod by Nine. Saying that it's about time I did the say. Keep taking the pills and all that.

At least the sugar ones as Carnival is upon us and so I hope you have all kept your bottle tops, crisp packets and cardboard boxes throughout the year because it is time to construct your floats like never before. This is the last year the Parade will be held on a Wednesday so we are told, so make the most of it. As of 2010 the Parade will be on the Saturday so that more people can enter a float without having to take time off, although Main Carnival Day will still be on the Wednesday. So enjoy. I can't wait to see you all there. Although I shall blend into the crowds perfectly and hopefully report on the shenanigans in future columns.

So until then be good and take care now. Vic