HEAR'SAY

Hello and welcome to this the first of the new style @ Sheringham. Oh happy days! Yes this is I in your all new monthly read. Dusted down, reworked, revamped, and pulled about a bit, not entirely unlike my toupee!
Now then, here we are again and the time has come, if it hasn't started already by the time this goes to press, to start work on the other pavement down Station Road. So much for them running out of cash. I do hope this time that after last years fiasco that they have learned by their mistakes. I hope sincerely that the guy in charge of personnel briefs the chap with the stop go boards and points out that Station Road is in fact a one way street this time. And that there was no need for the one at the bottom end to be there at all. Not only that but us store holders have also had a questionnaire about our thoughts on parking, one-way streets, etc etc. I do hope we have all sent them in. After all one or two does not constitute a majority, as both sides of the Tesco campaign knows all too well.

I was intrigued to hear the news of the shipwreck way down south. Like many folk I was shocked, although not too surprised to see the amount of looting of the cargo on the shoreline. I couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like should the same disaster have happened here. Alas though in the past the only such wrecks to have come a cropper off our shores that I can recall have been a coal boat and a cargo ship full of oranges! All right in the winter for keeping out the cold, a good intake of well needed vitamin c and not to mention a good motion, if you get my drift. Which is something the owners of that stricken cargo vessel wish it were right now, adrift and making good headway.

This is something that our very own Home Office seem unable to do, I do wonder these days exactly just what it is one has to do to warrant a spell in gaol these days. Repetitive rapists, murderers, thieves and repeat offenders of every type seem to have their sentencing quashed diminished or deferred. Oh except that is, if you happen to be the unfortunate person that nods off at the wheel of his car or you happen to be an impoverished pensioner and decide you can't afford to pay your council tax. That's ok then, you can have a month or two at Her Majesty's pleasure or five years respectively. Likewise the subjective bullying of a person by a couple of girls who she didn't get on with on a TV show, causes an absolute world wide public out-rage! Yet by the same token the public setting light to of an effigy of the same said T.V producers and nobody bats an eyelid. Is it me? Ok so we haven't any more room in prison I understand that but there's plenty folk in there at present whose sentence would be better served back home in their own country I think. Let's let out all the little old ladies who can't afford their taxes, all the rest who should be in secure hospitals, and then lets start to clean up our act. Of course if they'd have listened to me years ago the stocks would be desirable, fashionable, must have, street furniture by now. With public lobbings every Saturday lunchtime. We could secure a set in the opening of the town clock (to catch the bad aimers' residue). Yes I can see it now, the public humiliation of any kid or hooligan being pelted with all those left over lettuce leaves from the New Year diets by their peers. Just think with all that left over salad any tortoises waking early from their warm winter slumber would be quids in. I'm only guessing mind, but I think it might well catch on. After all we could have a ceremonial stocking of the council chamber during the carnival if they cause too much trouble over the park and ride or there could be money making charitable chuckings for good causes such as red nose day etc. I'm thinking that within a couple of years this could become the new British Constitution. We could have a gallows installed whilst we were at it. Especially for the ceremonial hanging of the human rights bill, the decapitation of all red tape, the drawing and quartering of any and all lenient judges and inadequate police constables both of which, it seems, once appointed are nigh on impossible to sack. And finally we could have a dunking chair for the public vote of no confidence in the entire Government and it's Chambers. Yes your worships, Sheringham has spoken! Well Vic has at any rate. Oh well don't suppose they'll listen anyway.
Take care till next time. Vic.