HEAR'SAY

Hello and welcome to this springtide edition of Hearsay. What with the change of the clocks and hopefully, now the weather I feel full of bounce and the joys of a chancellor who has just delivered his eleventh and final budget. How proud that man must feel of being able to stealthily rob his electorate blind at every opportunity without even so much as a fluttering an eye brow. Yes folks this was the budget that gave you all a few quid then right at the last second, just as you thought it was safe to leave your chambers and nip out for a cuppa, (yes no fags form July 1st) He grabs it all back with exaggerated interest. Yes he must feel every bit as smug as the council after extracting almost 5% extra from all us ratepayers for the privilege of actually having a roof over our heads- the audacity of privilege eh? Oh well they tell us that we now live in a society where the average hard-working man's wage is about nineteen thousand pounds a year. Excuse me a moment whilst I succumb to an involuntary bout of side-splitting laughter! There, that's better I mean did they really take into account a shop workers lot behind the counter anywhere East of Cambridge, let alone Norfolk and dare I say it, Sheringham. Blimey if the non-management shop floor of any store around these parts earned anywhere near that they'd think Christmas had come early! Mind you, even if both partners took home just half of one week's average footballer's wage they'd still only be able to afford to get a mortgage on a semi-detached garage and garden waste wheelie bin, what with the cost of local housing these days around here. Is it any wonder then, that North Norfolk Residents are turning to the internet and especially E-bay for solace, intrigue and not least the extra few quid they get in their paypal accounts at the end of each month for selling off the kids hand-me downs and Fido's Flea collar. I tell you what, If everyone decided to take this up Tesco's would be out of business in a shot! Just think of it, if you were getting low on milk, just email the neighbours to see who had an extra pint, swap it for a cup of sugar, and Bob's your uncle. The possibilities are endless this could end up being the biggest online swapshop in the world. Of course I do worry about the depths of my outstanding mental abilities. I mean you never know what will be next, perhaps even the Jeffrey Archer appreciation society! Or Alice in Sheringland? Oh, hang on a mo there was an Alice in Sheringland and that little show down at the Little Theatre by some of Sheringham's most talented kids was to be admired. Oh the thought of having Beeston bump turned into a croquet lawn or God forbid a Tesco certainly made me smile. But don't worry folks as, as yet Tesco has not been able to invent a floating environmentally friendly car park. But when they do!!!!? Eh? Who knows, so watch this space! Well maybe by the time I retire perhaps. And if the Government have their way I will have to have reached the age of eighty something to do that. At least by then when I pass the age of seventy-five, we will be able to earn loads without having to worry about paying tax on the first ten grand! Me thinks I'll go on the scrounge now for a bit until I'm seventy five, then go out and get my self a job at Tesco's to sell LPG to all the owners of converted 4x4's. (As if converting them somehow makes them any less dangerous should any of the rest of us ever get struck by one.)? Never mind though, we at last have our Station Road functional again. Complete with our very own red brick road! All we need now is a Toto, Dorothy and a scarecrow and the town is complete and ready for a song. Which is exactly what Ottendorf Green sold for to Sheringham Railway. And they're still digging it up! What will it be for this time? A radish patch perhaps or is it in readiness for the next Norwich One, or Virgin Express through train to Holt (Nearly). The plot thickens. Rather like a good old home made chickpea and vegetable soup. Yes indeed the winter season has come to a close. Isn't it wonderful to be able to tell what season one is in just by looking around at one's environment, now you don't have to be a scholar on the ancient's way of life. We can do it ourselves just by observance. It's easy as you can tell by the way the pubs remove their food special offers at the same time each year, all the chippys start to open regular hours again, and the town starts to bustle with foreigners from the shires. Shorts make their first airings and the price of all toiletries doubles in time for the caravan park openings.

Well I do hope all you dear readers enjoyed your Easter. The end of lent. Which this year was particularly difficult for me as I gave up being nice to folks. The only trouble was that no one actually noticed! So for my sins I locked my self into my bedroom for a few extra days and read the Da Vinci code. Which didn't exactly make me feel any better. But I'm definitely going to start looking into my family tree! Walking on water I may not be able to do yet, but spreading the gospel of political discontent and local narrative I can do. So I'm off to find my soapbox now. Quite what a soapbox is I'm not really sure but you know what I mean. Vic's my name rhetoric's me game. Am I bovvered! Not quite. 'Till next time, take care now Vic.