HEAR'SAY

Welcome earthlings! To another edition of Sheringham banter, news and babbling squit. And in this rip-roaring gossip mongering column I hope to delight, surprise and entertain you; well I might get one out of the three if I'm lucky. Anyway here goes. Well in this very column last month I reported on the goings on up at Ottendorf Green and it seems I was somewhat hasty in my comments as to the design and use of this said alteration. Therefore on seeing it's advancement since then I can now confirm the site's new usage. I was a trifle premature when I said that the hedge had been taken out with naught in it's place but a wobbly wooden stained pine bar. Yes of course since then there has been the addition of a bamboo enclosure. And for those of you, who may not know, it has, of course been erected there as a duplicitous arrangement. One, to serve as a natural boundary for Sheringham's new Panda enclosure and Two; Being of bamboo this will serve as a food source for the a fore-mentioned beasties. One hopes that the keepers don't allow freelance herd feeding as this would rapidly allow for escape of the enclosed. Also, at the other end, now that we have a walled circular seated area, This is to be Sheringham's new and exclusive seance circle, To be used for anyone who has recently tried to reach a human voice on any telephone complaint line in the country. Had this have been the cemetery one could have argued that it was to be the new dead centre of the town. In fact One could assume that the circle's grand opening ceremony might be performed by Shirly Cimelli or Derek Acorah Himself. Alas however the only spirit gathering me thinks will ever grace those adornments will be out of a teeny bottle on a Friday night binge. But that's not all, Oh no, We have shingle topped tarmacadam paths, Granite cobbled flooring and Wemblyesque turf that Zidan would be proud to play on. And to think they are still proposing to dig the lot up in a while to make way for a train. So a really on the ball planning decision there then! Mind you when the train does go through. The saving grace is that the bamboo hedge, by then, will obliterate from view the track. I worry about the pandas, all that noise will be enough to give them black circles under their eyes! Never mind eh? Of course I couldn't help think that the wooden seats situated in that spot begun to look like the base of a gibbet platform. And at that point I began to get quite excited. But just where would we start? Oh, Oh, Oh, the choice! What a nice start that would have made to my new manifesto. No room in the jails? No problem Sheringham's Gibbet to the rescue! And why not? They can't lock em up, they can't deport anyone, and they certainly give the message to any thug in the land that giving an unprovoked kicking in the street is somehow not serious enough for a custodial sentence. All except, that is if you don't happen to pay your council tax on time, now that really is a serious criminal offence. All the worse if one happens to be over seventy! And God forbid that we business owners don't display the NEW regulatory No smoking signage. That too would put a blot on my criminal record. Was it me, or did they not pledge some time ago that red tape was going to be a thing of the past? Well I think someone should point that out to my recycling bin! Another "four walled with ceiling not including windows and doors enclosure". Well to bin or not two bin that is the question? Well for many parts of the country, but for dear old sunny Sheringham we were forced onto that little fortnightly arrangement some time ago with little or no adverse effects. I have to say that in all fairness all the wild animals that used to frequent my front garden on the night before bin collection day, no longer leave any trace of their being. Mainly that they have lost the ability to gnaw open a 240 ltr. giant plastic golf caddie, and secondly most of my delicate papers are now shredded so leaving the would be identity thief no choice but to search elsewhere for my ex Ann Summers invoices than amongst my onion peelings and last weeks inedible beef goulash. But that's not to say they still won't try. I guess there's something to be said for not having a bank account at all. Perhaps we should all start up e-bay pay pal accounts, but taking care not to be taken in by the hoards of Nigerian phone con-merchants just waiting to pull a fast one. Tell you what though a thought has just glossed over me. Methinks that the town Council should open a live cam at the new medium chair site. People from all over the world could tune in and pay into the town's pay pal account to participate. Anyone wanting a message would pay a couple of quid for a communication from the local Doris Stokes (every town has one). And at the end of the year we could have mass pay outs. There might just be enough to purchase the repair work needed on all the deadly headstones in the graveyard, new offices for the new Common Sense party at the Town Hall, or even at County level. Now wouldn't that be a first. Is there any one there? Not yet but watch this space. Take care now till next time. Spookily yours, Vic.