HEAR'SAY

Yes it's that time again, all revved up for the summer. It's the column with it's humour as hot as a Utah bush fire but with charm as slippery as an out-house in Doncaster! Of course it's me Vic; Reporting to you about all the local news, spills thrills and general all round Codswallop one could possible conjure up in a month. Now many of you may not know this, but in the early 1870s a Mr. Hiram Codd patented his famous Codd's bottle. A rather conundrum"ous" article when first seen, but soon became a bit of an icon for Victorian inventiveness. Of course these old pop bottles are to be found now ten to the penny up and down the country in curiosity shops etc, and it is that subject I shall attempt to touch upon in this text today. That is curiosities not old pop bottles, although some might argue that the latter might be a touch more interesting.  Oh well the children have now broken up for the yearly constitutive mayhem, Oops I mean holidays. So I guess they'll be heading off to the beaches. Complete with sou'westers and wellies and rubber inflatables. Just in case of a sharp and sudden rise in sea level after all the monsoon conditions that have embraced us all recently. What did they expect after all Wimbledon was on wasn't it. Every year it's the same old story. Of course I have the remedy. Just move it to the African desert. Everyone's a winner! They get the rain I get back my regular neighbours slot on the telly and London resumes normal prices for a punnet of the red and juicies! Everyone's as happy as a Gordon! Although I do wish someone would trim back those brambles on the right up Holway Road just down from the Abby Road corner. There are a few bits poking out a bit too far across the path and they keep catching the kids fags! Not to mention the odd arm or two! Anyway, I was a bit surprised and a little saddened to see our Independent paper has been bought out by a bigger Cromer Firm. Yet another takeover from the big city guns! What next? They'll be telling us there's going to be a small motel at Upper Sheringham soon Ha Ha- What? There is! I hear you exclaim! Why yes, it's true. And by all accounts the new pub will rise from a grain silo in all its glory, like a phoenix from the ashes and will end up blotting out the beautiful sea view for a few longstanding residents. Never mind - the wisdom of the local planners. I bet they don't have to live next door eh? And as for access, well they are, it seems going to knock down a wall as old as doomsday just to ensure that visiting lorries next door have room to back into the road to exit! That's right folks you couldn't make it up! Well one thing is for certain, come rain or shine our very own Sunny Sheringham will be full to bursting on Carnival Day. I hope as many of you as possible have taken the trouble to take part this year as last year was a bit a bit of a washout to say the least. The bunting is up and the new pots and seats are down and secured for what should be a great season. Already the sparrow legged socks in sandals brigade have begun to grace our pavements and as the price of loo roll gradually starts to increase we know instinctively the invasion has begun. And I think this year we are ready for them. Budgens has had an expensive makeover. At least now we are able to see what we've bought in our baskets whilst we queue! Woolworth's have a similar idea, only their one way queuing system actually works.

Well sadly folks that's all we have room for this time and like every thing else, my morose drivel has had to be cut down a little. Like crisps, wagon wheels and curly- wurlies it seems that modern life is just an onward downsizing exercise. Why is it then with chocolate bars getting smaller am I growing larger? And how is it that without a mobile phone, I survived the ravages of playing outside all day but instinctively knew when tea was ready. I managed to reach maturity without being constantly monitored by government cameras, health and safety notices about the importance of clean hands, and not ever needing to be informed of my statutory rights! Maybe I was blessed with a little thing called common sense! Clearly one of the subjects missing on the curriculum in the classrooms of comprehensives, colleges and Unis up and down the country. And on that note I'm off for a cup of hot chocolate, my slippers and a lie down and a quick snifter of gin, but don't let on to the other half! Until next time. Take care now Vic.