HEAR'SAY

Ah good morrow my learned citizens of Sheringham. And indeed welcome to another instalment of hearsay. Well that's us, and our summer is nearing it's close. I do hope you enjoyed our Carnival antics which I am glad to say were a trifle dryer than Cromer's. At least we can finally proclaim something was better than theirs! Indeed as I write this, the gleaming streamlined glare of a red arrow skimming the chimney of my house is still very fresh in my mind and of late it's not only the Red Arrows that have been at the forefront of local chit-chat and complaint. As many a forty winks in the afternoon sun in the conservatory has been disturbed lately because of the noisy intrusion of low flying aircraft. As to their nationality and purpose I could not say except that should Sheringham ever have had a tall structure such as Big Ben or the Eiffel Tower, it would have been minus its flag by now. I can only hope it would have been a St. George's one. Any other colour and the probability of our American cousins mistaking it for enemy territory would have increased its peril level ten-fold. However I can categorically conclude that the pine tree that decided to fall across Holway Road on our Carnival Day was not due to friendly fire by the RAF or indeed George Bush's finest. Like me, the heat and the endless queues in town, just got to it and it finally gave up the will to live and collapsed in a heap to the floor like a deflating bouncy castle after a kids party. As it happens the emergency folks sorted it with breakneck speed so as not to disrupt the wonderful day's proceedings. Of course the great thing about Carnival Day in Sheringham is that we all get to loiter in the road without fear of being run down by odd looking lads in go faster paint jobbed cars. Who wear their hats back to front and over sized sunglasses that were designed for Deirdre Barlow in the eighties. The 1000 decibels emanating from the catechisms of the subwoofers under the back seats, are designed to drown out the tirade of abuse, hurled at them from all the narrowly missed pedestrians, trying to go about their business without fear of being the next statistic/victim of a newly passed young driver. Some I might add not so young!

Now moving on all this talk lately of EU money being splashed around town got me thinking. With the many projects already underway such as Shering Henge on Ottendorf Green and the new pots etc. The one thing that Sheringham lacks is indeed one of those things I mentioned earlier and that is a massive erection! Made from any material, but something lasting, a pillar that future generations will be inspired by, a pole so awe inspiring that our fellow kin will travel miles just to say they espied it. Yes ladies and gentlemen I am talking monumental! A Huge, Gigantic, and above all very big Sheringtower! With a revolving restaurant on the top, it could be duplicitous also. Having several uses such as beacon in times of war, conflict and Tesco appeals! A lookout tower for lost inflatables at sea. A telephone mast and reception station for channel 5 just before they turn off our analogue telly. Not to mention its base could be the new police station and council office. We could rent a window box each to free up some allotment space and sell that off to help the building plot deficit the government is always harping on about. Can't you just see it now? Placed on the entrance to the central garages as a gateway to modernism and an icon in design for the bonkers of the area. Then to cap it off, at it's very summit could be our very own air traffic control complete with ground to air missiles to use on any future offending noisy craft who happen to disturb ageing old men in Bermuda shorts and socks on bicycles on the way to their beach hut. But what of the town clock I hear you all cry? Well sadly due to modernisation and the restructuring of town elements like that of the seafront loos, would have to be downgraded for the use of refuse storage, vagrancy and bird feeding applications, with unisex lavatory and bottle/can bank facilities. Well more or less what it's used for now really. And as the evenings begin to draw in the long summer day's wilt away and the wind starts it's autumnal bite, we can now start to draw on the knowledge that the Christmas sales are just around the corner. Already now in August we have had the first of our imposing Christmas reminders through the post to encourage us to order early our Chocolates and Christmas fare, just in case the Chinese poison anything else for the kids before the big day. And on that note folks I must bid you all a happy late summer sale shop and early autumn greetings, perhaps I'll start a new line in cards! Sadly I'd bet they'd sell quite well. Sorrowfully, my devout and loyal subjects, that is all I have time for today. How ever if you, like me, do have any hair-brained dreams or ideas about the future development of the town I hope you hand them in to the relevant people in the know, you never know you might be taken seriously like they've done already!

Take care now, Vic.