HEAR'SAY

Elfish greetings my people of Sheringham! And yes, it is the time of year to think of loved ones (and the other half), to spread happiness and joy to your fellow man, and women if you have the inclination to entertain such notions, the stomach and the pocket for it! To deliver good cheer wherever you can, just as long as it's not expected to get there if it goes by TNT. And whilst we're on the matter, the Post Office run a close second. Yes at least all the mail, if you send it early enough, is guaranteed to arrive by Christmas ....2008! If you don't want it opened, stolen and copied by Customs then why not lose it by the efforts of TNT. Still that canoeist did one better, and delivered his card five years late. His wife got so tired of waiting for hers she hoofed it off for a Panama. Quite what an old gentleman's hat and cigar has got to do with any thing is beyond me however.

Ho Ho Ho, yes folks that dreaded "C" word has arrived or just gone, depending on when you receive this edition of hearsay. And at the time of writing this you could safely say that I am the happiest bodd in the land, probably the time of year you may be thinking? Too much sherry? The news that Gordon has called for a referendum on capital punishment, the getting out of Europe and the abolition of sushi bars? Alas no, it is the fact that I have never laughed so much in all my considerable life at the news, as I have done in the last few weeks. Not only that, but I once read somewhere that laughing was good for the endorphin levels in the body. Along with chocolate, exercise, wine, women and song and not necessarily in that order, depending on your orientation you understand. (Said the cannon to the bishop) So here we are. The Yuletide is upon us and with it comes the first belly splitting news of the week that at last the teddy bear saga is over and the teacher lady is home. It could have been worse she could have called the bear Pooh and we all know his best friend was Piglet! Oops! Never mind eh? At least there, they are a people passionate about their beliefs. Where as over here the only prophet worshiped at our holy time is Saint Nic! With a sack full of fury Mohammeds for the little cherubs thrown in. And talking of things being thrown in or should I say thrown up as in reference to this years Sparkly efforts around the town. The light switch on was by all accounts a great success, crowds of Sheringham common folk gathered at the clock and soon mingled with the elite! Including our very own Mr. Mayor and the Town Crier. Gathered, as we were to watch Snow White flick the switch. Well most of them worked to a fashion except some didn't. Some lamp standards weren't even wired up to which the Christmas lights were attached, and yet as I write this in early December there are tonight, still three display units functioning as properly as a customs and excise office! That neatly, rather cleverly, if I say so myself, leads me to my next chuckle and that is my theorem on the saga of the disappearing disc files on which twenty five million of us were recorded. Oh how I fell about in delirium as the news spread of a junior office lad copying that lot. AND NOT JUST ONCE! My God it takes me an hour to work out how to up load a picture from my camera to the PC so how long did it take him to download 25 million names and addresses? And, as we know now half of the info wasn't even needed. Sounds like a council bus form application to me. I guess that the loss was a big early Christmas present for the opposition parties who relish in the misery of the squirming reigning presidency, sorry government. And if these names have not fallen foul of the criminal underworld then surely the folks that stood most to gain, might just have had something to prove. The incompetence party speaks for itself. You just couldn't make it up could you?

Well since I last wrote Sheringham has had it's own mini tsunami in the great storm of 2007 in which many unfortunate changing sheds, summer tea rooms and primus stoves along the prom met their doom at the majesty and might of an angry North Sea.