HEAR'SAY

Ah Gracious salacious greetings to one and all. And welcome to the first edition of the strictly on-line Hearsay column. With at least as many readers as Almelda Marcos has shoes. I must admit, that with an on-line readership of around ten thousand, I never truly understood that we were that well-read worldwide. As I write this Sheringham is gripped in a gloomy haze of freezing night fogs coupled with beautiful early morning white haw frosts. A spectacular sight for any one to behold. Oh well who'd have thought that as from now on we, (all of us) own a bank nationally. Can't wait 'till we start raking in the profits maybe just maybe, they'll let us have a little share now and again by lowering the council tax bills of old blighty! Somehow, alas, I think not. As it would probably take them many lifetimes to sort out that raw egg, as it's all been a bit of a yolk! Ha Ha! My main thought however would be great, but I wonder if the government would be as quick to offer my business the same guarantees along with all or any of its creditors if I were to get into a bit of a fiscal hole? One could have said the same about the countless thousands of many other small and medium companies who go bankrupt every month in this country. We don't see anyone bending over backward, or forwards for that matter, by the government or otherwise to help bale them out. Of course the question is, can any of us mere ordinary mortal serfs ask to sit on the new board? I've always had a hankering for a flashy desk that was bigger than my garden summerhouse, and being able to run out of space for the noughts on the cheque when it came to writing out my personal performance related bonus for the year! How the other half live eh!

Now talking of the other half, I see with mine eyes that someone has taken heed after my last little dig about the state of Ottendorf Green, and went and did just that. Had a little dig, to clear most of it from the jungle that had sprouted up over the last few months. And who said the pen doesn't pay? - Well noone actually to my knowledge, but I'm willing and magnanimously gracious enough to accept correction if it was needed. At last I can freeze my derrière to Shering-Henge in the frost content that the immediate surroundings are no longer home to wild cats and drunken missing teenagers after a night out on the car park in between the bottle banks. Since I penned last month's column, Sheringham has scarcely been out of the media. What with helicopter rescues of drunken boys off the beach, lardy kiddiwinkles in number and the revelation that brought the whole of North Norfolk's constabulary to town and managed to close off the area for the best part of a day. Yes I am referring to the awesome ordeal of the two tiles that slid off the roof near Gazelles. This in turn brought about road blocks, panda cars, sirens and police on mass, that the producers of the Sweeny would have been delighted to have been able to afford. I thought, like many at the time that some sort terrorist attack had happened on Budgens given the number of personnel in the ground operation. Alas not even a stolen curly wurly had been brandished, which is good as they are most deffo my fave!

As for the other headlines of Sheringham growing one in three of it's children to the size of a small ox was somewhat alarmist especially as the headline on the front page of the North Norfolk News was directly underneath an Advert for an offer on chips! Hardly putting the message across more plainly then! Or not as case would seem. Mind you the chips did sound good. To a hungry soul who, for a few days has not had Roy Boys or the Lunch Box to fall back on in times of gastric need. Look I know it's been lent but don't panic they'll be back soon. In fact as I write the other half has just told me that Roy Boys is back as we speak. However there are plenty more to choose from. Bravo for the Plaza! Second to none brecky! By the way.

Oh just one other thing or two, or maybe more if noone will stop me, is that I see we have a new mobility store in town. So be warned of ever-impending pavement clutter as a thousand and one disembark, dismount and leave their battery ankle bashers on the pavements out side the chemists in the summer. Also I see the closing down sale signs are spreading, although I expect before long S.C.A.M.R.O.D. Or others will be taking note and blaming that on Tesco .Oh well perhaps they (The closed shops) will make way for Tesco "Local" stores instead. Like we need another sandwich, Newspaper, Off-licence and greeting card outlet in the town. Yep about as much as we want Gordon for president!   That said, when they all get hung drawn and quartered in the next general election, we could still give him the a job as the governor of the Northern Rock, but preferably in a little lighthouse on one of the many small out crops just off the northern most point of the Shetland mainland! Just to be on the safe side you understand. Money was just never his strong point now was it?