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"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside,
Oh I do like to be beside the sea, I do like to stroll along the Prom, prom, prom, where
the air stinks of fish and grockle armpit odour! Yes hello and welcome to the 21st
hearsay. So here we are in the aftermath of Carnival. How was yours? |
Personally I tried to escape some of the crowds myself and
I can confirm with confidence after all the Bar-B-Q weather we've been having that living
here in Sheringham is just great isn't it? Isn't it lovely to be able to pop into town to
purchase any, and everything you need for that impromptu Bar-B-Q party? I can safely say
Sheringham has a whole assortment of outlets being able to supply everything for these
outdoor summer parties in the garden. Even the Co-op seemed to have a good quantity of
fire-lighters! Mind you, there have been places in town (a certain club that will remain
nameless) where the quality of their wine has seemed more like cleaning fluid than the
half decent German hock it could have been. Not such a good vintage for a party there
then. So moving swiftly on: and the summer holidays are in full swing. Never mind, these
six weeks from hell will soon pass, our kids will soon be returning to the sacred place of
learning once more in the near distant future. We the parents will be able to rest
peacefully in the knowledge that the ticking moments of boredom will diminish when the
kids finally go back to school to face that wonderful place of learning and another
teacher's training or Baker day! Never mind half term won't be that far away for the
excuse for another one either.
So the poor old Co-op is no more or at least the flats above it. Oh how the bells of
jollification must be ringing out to the ears of the Budgens manager(s). Now at least they
have a legitimate excuse for never having anything purchasable on their shelves. Mind you
I can't imagine anyone wanting to buy a tin of beans or anything else for that matter from
a shop who's staff grunt and where perpetual queues are the normal practise of the day.
Unfortunately one's grey matter could easily be filled with conspiracy theories if one let
it. E.g. Was the impromptu demise (albeit temporary) of our very own Co-op store
orchestrated by the Evil tyrant Tesco to add weight to their cause. Was it a revenge
attack by a disgruntled granny who wasn't given her full "divvy" on that bottle
of "Harvey's Bristol" or perhaps someone thought to start the carnival
festivities early in light (pardon the pun) of the torchlight procession being cancelled.
In any event all I can say is that is was a jolly good job that no one was hurt. Sherinham
hasn't seen so much excitement on that scale since St. Nicolas Nursing home all but burnt
down 21 years ago. Who'd of thought though, that we would have had the need to recruit
fire crews from as far afield as Wymondham and Norwich to deal with it all? God help us
all if we ever have a major emergency on our hands such as a bomb incident or air crash.
Or as witnessed a while ago the Cricket Square up the Rec. that needed that all-important
hose down from the local crew. And why not? It's good to think that our chivalrous boys
are there for the community as a whole and not just for the more dangerous part of their
job. However unintended though, when the road was closed off for a few days from traffic
running down Church Street, driving became a pleasure, as this temporary one-way system
worked a treat! Can't we have it back again PLEASE??? It got me 'a thinkin', on how we
might improve the traffic flow and our everyday lives into the bargain. So on the subject
of Church Street, let's keep it one-way and then put a few extra no time limit parking
places along by the Church and all the way down to June's. Just think of it, it makes
sense. No more waiting for hours at, and in the Augusta Street junction hoping some old
twit will stall his car by the town clock allowing us enough time to squeeze through on
our way to the sea front. At least the task of dodging the slow moving targets crossing
(and almost stopping to have a cup of tea and a chat in the middle of the road) at the
theatre junction will only need the concentration from just one side of the road. |
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| If this was implemented and was successful we could extend
it further. At certain times of the day the whole of the High Street could be a pedestrian
only zone, with the centre of the road and all yellow lined areas around the entire town's
centre being a parking zone for semi-abandoned dog laden Volvos and little battered trades
vans with flashing lights, not unlike it is now at 8 am in the morning. We could have the
market traders assembled along the pavements outside and trading alongside our existing
shops to give us that "all under one roof shopping experience" should Tescos not
be allowed to come. In the summer months we should have raised walk ways for the use of
the working locals along all the major routes of the town shopping centre to avoid the
tedious meandering of the lost grockle in his quest for the nearest cagoule shop and cheap
deodorant. As I have mentioned in previous editions, and I did warn you didn't I? Of the
strange sights and smells summer shopping in Sheringham has to offer. And they or you, if
it is you, haven't disappointed me. Yes the young gorilla like hairy legs adorned with
coconut scented sun cream trudge down the high street wearing shin length garments that
look as if they'd just shrunk in the wash and that's just the ladies. All matching up with
a bare mid-rift and navel stud that shows off the place that they keep the salt in for
their chips! The older generation are not much better. Men with sweaty sport-socked feet
in brown leather sandals, and generally accompanied by oversized white or beige large
pocketed jungle shorts. The elderly ladies are adorned in pink crocheted short sleeved
blouses with a hankie up one sleeve complete the picture as Mr and Mrs Leicestershire
trundle through the m'duck vocabulary as they go in search of straw hats and a
"medium sized " "HOW MUCH?" 99 ice cream. Well that said they're very
welcome it is their holidays after all. One wonders if they go home and make as much fun
out of us. As they see us struggling year after year to come to terms with something as
trivial as getting a simple road plan with parking facilities up and running, together
with somewhere 21st century to buy a tin of beans. Good holidays now. Till next time Vic. |
BEWARE
DANGER - TWO |
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