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Yes it's me again Vic and in this, the 23rd edition of your very own hearsay column,
there's even more bantering gibberish from the old so-in-so in the form of discursive yarn
and elucidatory information that you the readers have grown to cherish so much. |
In this weeks critique by yours truly, it seems I've
inadvertently been given the distinguished, yet humble appointment of Agony Aunt. Yes, you
won't believe it, but an E-mail has been passed to me from Her Graciousness the Ed. from a
reader, in the hope that my commentary, may be able to stir someone into action. I was so
flattered by the request that, although I don't usually respond to most of the suggestions
I receive (as most are unprintable, usually in words of one syllable, and all requesting
me to seek the skills and services of a taxidermist), but I thought this one was up my
street and worth a mention.
The disgruntled woman to whom I shall refer lives in Barford Road in Sheringham. She has
I'm afraid, in vain, been trying to raise a response from our very own NNDC. By numerous
letters asking them politely if they would mind very much, coming to trim the hedge that
belongs to the council and that borders on her property. The offending sprouting fauna is
so mischievous that it is beginning to interfere with her. (Metaphorically speaking of
course). Not to mention that it casts a permanent eclipse of the sun due to the unkempt
nature of the beastie. I also took, as I do occasionally, a stroll around there to espy
the spectacle for myself, and it's true, it not only blocks out the sun for "Miss or
Mrs. D" (Didn't catch your title) it casts also a nasty twig or three over the
pavement as well. Definitely a true hazard for any old dears just leaving the adjoining
hair salon should they catch a hair net or two in the overhang. Anyway to get back to my
point the council boffins up to now have in good old fashioned tradition, chosen to ignore
her instead of penning any kind of reply. After all one would surely have thought that
writing to the relevant authority should have been enough to trigger off a little man with
a trimmer, seeing as there was a dear little old lady in distress. I mean there's been
enough of them about town watering twice a day the flower standards. (Council men that is,
and not little old ladies in distress), heaven forbid anything should happen to them! But
no. Not a peep. In fact I think she'd have had more luck in trying to achieve an
apparition of Doris Stokes in a seance than to get even the slightest courteous reply. Not
even a get stuffed! So I guess we all know what comments she would have made to them on
their open days, from the 1st of Sept 2003 to the relevant NNDC department. This is the
news that our council, perched high upon that sarsen filled ridge at Cromer; held open
days so that Jo public could go and indulge our councillors with ripe opinion, comments
and views on the quality of service we all receive. Or don't as the case may be. There
were to be several researchers asking questions. (Presumably like why there is no one in
the gardening dept able to read and write) All giving out forms to be filled in (Nothing
new there then) So there you are "Miss or Mrs." D. There was your chance to have
your say. Shame it wasn't publicised a bit more really so the rest of us could have a go.
At least now it will give them a chance to ignore even more people with something to say
or complain about. Perhaps we should, on her behalf, request that they buy themselves a
typewriter and a skilled person with manners to operate it for a start. Then maybe
"someone" (back to that again!) will pass it on to "somebody" who will
be able to expedite an honorary conclusion. I expect however that, all in all, this
idolatry idiosyncratic notion the council has of itself, can only exacerbate the poor
woman's cause and perhaps her letters just mysteriously disappeared sylph-like into the
night to a Sylvan environment at the hands of the fairies for safe keeping. |
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Me thinks, not for the first time, that that excuse has
popped into the heads of many an employee over the years. Now then what was it Alan
Bennett's Connie said in Habeas Corpus? Something like "Every day and in
every way they're getting bigger and bigger and bigger" Well, for poor Connie, she
was referring to her bosoms or lack of them. Except for me the thing that's getting bigger
and bigger is the question, Just when is a cafe not a cafe? The answer is pretty obvious;
when it's a restaurant silly! Hang on though it said cafe on the wall. What am I getting
at you might well ask. Well it appears that we now have in town one or two
"Cafes" that although love to serve you a good old cup of char before 12 noon,
it seems that, come the stroke of midday that simple purchase of a coffee for one is no
longer permissible. Yes it becomes almost a barring offence to order just a drink between
12 and 2 PM! SINCE WHEN? If I had wanted a meal I would have gone to one of the thousand
or so eating establishments Sheringham has to offer. Where is this place you might well
ask? Well I can't say for fear of the dreaded legalities really, but those responsible
know full well who they are! Me wonders how many more unsuspecting punters have been told
the same thing? It's all in the name of greed I tell you so stop it! It's not every one
that wants a bowl of soup and baguette at anytime of the year, let alone on a hot summer's
day, or a jumbo sausage roll come to that. So finally to get one thing clear, unless I'm
very much mistaken, Cafe is a French word for coffee and that's exactly what I'd like when
I visit a cafe Got it? Not a meal for two, which incidentally one has to purchase, if one
has the audacity to invite a friend along as well. Not every customer you get awkward with
is going to be a short term visitor and I'm afraid that I, like many other locals have
long memories when it comes to this kind of mistreatment. I mean just think how ludicrous
it would be if every time we went to the barbers or hairdressers for a quick trim they
turned round and demanded we had a perm or nothing at all? I know I don't get out that
often but I sincerely hope this is not a modern trend in the making. 'Cause if it is,
bring on Tesco's cafeteria and quick.
Sorry about that folks, but that sticky little subject almost choked me. Be interested how
many more of you out there have endured the same shameful repartee. Off for a very long,
well-deserved pint of two's now. So until next time look after yourselves. Yours, Vic |
| I ASKED YOU
NICELY TO CUT MY HEDGE - NOW WE'LL DO IT THE HARD WAY!! |
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| OLD POSTAGE STAMPS are always needed, please send them or drop them in to our office
and we will pass them on. If possible it would be handy if you could cut them out leaving
around half a centimetre round them. |
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