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Happy New Year! Yes hello everyone this is the
first hearsay of Two Thousand and Four. Shame really, I'd just gotten used to writing 2003
in the old chequebook! I solemnly hope yours was as happy as mine was. |
Although not, I suspect as warm as my sun drenched beach
in Mauritius. Well I haven't been back from my holidays that long and wow the amount of
news and commentary I have for you already is enormous. Everyone seems to be anxious to
tell me of all the unfolding business with the Budgens development on the car park etc. I
couldn't help but think I should have stayed in Mauritius. At least that way I would have
been assured a car parking space for the duration of my stay. (One was allocated to me
courtesy of the hotel) Unlike I fear this years visitors to town who not only will have to
jostle over the few slots at 50p an hour, but also will have to, I fear, dodge around the
ensuing building site materials that will be inevitable at that juncture. It will be a
recipe for chaos and madness as drivers will be driven to distraction on trying for hours
to find a space large enough to park anything bigger than a Corgi. Not unlike on Carnival
Day we enjoy already! And talking of Corgis, if you think about it too hard you might
actually end up feeling rather enraged, and about as mad as one of Princess Anne's Bull
terriers.
That's not all the building in the pipeline either. I understand the doctor's surgery on
the Cromer Road has an application for a second storey. No surprise there then, the first
was somewhat of a fantasy that might have been put to bed some time ago. One can only hope
the second will have greater dexterity in the narrative, enjoy wider audience
participation with smoother running times and be rid of all bureaucratic egotistical
gibberish the first one was so full of. Still it should make for a good read so watch this
space. Oh, did I say story or storey? Sorry, got myself a little confused then for a
moment, still I don't suppose it makes a lot of difference. Mind you when and if it's ever
completed could this be another secret site for the new Cromer hospital? We might just
need it too, if the residents of Upper Sheringham burst any more blood vessels at the
knowledge that plans have been passed for the new proposed Red Lion's enlargement! And no,
that in itself is not a medical complaint! Yes again what looked like a foregone
conclusion that the proposals were going to be refused were clearly misread,
misunderstood, or worse. What will be next I hear myself utter, perhaps a covered walkway
over the road from the front door to their car park? Or perhaps a glorified arch over the
road meeting up with an identical building feature on the other side encompassing rooms
and even larger restaurant above that? Oops, better not say anymore, might give them
ideas, but more of them later.
Now for once I've got something good to say. Since my return to the land of real tea and
Yorkshire pudding and gravy, I have the pleasure in reporting that all is forgiven after
last years little dig at the panto crew. I have to say that this year although I had my
reservations at first I must confess I did enjoy the spectacle. Oh no you didn't, Oh yes I
did! You see I just can't help myself, Oh yes there's nothing quite like having a yell,
boo and hiss at the villain of the plot in fact it reminded me somewhat of the protest
line at the anti-Tesco demonstration. This Store wars theme has been the biggest source of
panto throughout the year. It's no wonder, so it's rumoured that dear Mr Hunt, after well
over One Hundred years has decided to sell up. That's to say the shop's been there well
over… well you know what I meant! Wait a minute though. If Hunts goes followed by
Budgens could that mean… Dun Dun Da…! Tesco buying the whole plot? |
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And who knows, perhaps they too might extend the back of
the two shops onto and sprawl all over the Morris Street car park! Now wouldn't that be a
sight? And then maybe one by one, they might buy up the row, and gradually
extend the entire length of the High Street. Then possibly bridge over it as in Upper
Sheringham and take up the banks on the other side with the town clock as their pivotal
talking point at the start of the covered parade. To be honest I don't know why we don't
just adopt the American style, underground shopping mall. At least that way no one can be
offended at it destroying the aesthetics of the place. We ought to seek out a suitable
American town and twin with them. Somewhere like Houston or L.A That way the good people
could come over here and show how it could be done with style and panache. It could be
built with all this Euro money we've been promised and placed down the North end of the
High Street at sea level. The resounding, innovative design could then have a huge
undersea glass frontage to it exposing the beach at low tide and the wonders of sea life
at high tide. Of course skinny dipping, and defecating in the water would have to be
banned from that stretch of the foreshore, particularly in the summer months when there is
a serious shortage of public conveniences available within walking distance from the sea.
So there you have it my new vision of an underground superstore. But don't worry! No one
would ever find it. There'll be no where for anyone to park to be able to stop, get out
and take stock of what this delightful little seaside town had to offer. We would be the
proud custodians of the most expensive folly since the millennium dome and that wobbly
bridge. So I say let them come with their bright ideas of rampant commercialism, spread
sheets and time in motion studies let them dig, build and spend billions if they want to,
just as long as it's all underground. Of course the best thing they could do to ensure the
continued economical growth, and secure future for the town, would be to set aside some
land for a better, much needed car park. What better legacy could any big conglomerate
give than to ensure a town's future needs for it's expanding generations to come?
In the meantime it's Asda for me every time, at least I can buy my kid's clothes there.
Until next time take care. Vic. |
| Who actually controls SCAMROD'S Policy? |
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My mum
collects everything, in sight,
Will come in useful, says she with all her might.
I try to keep her happy,
Tidy, with respect.
But somehow she won't alter,
Her nature won't correct.
Times have changed, no more do people mend,
There's only one thing is certain at shops,
They'll spend, spend, spend.
Written by Poppy Brown. |
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