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As you drive towards Holt from Weybourne in
the direction of the Emcy garden centre, you will find staked to the verge a beautifully
hand crafted notice for the attention of the road user. It states as follows: "Please
go slowly round the bend"! Of course this particular text reference favours a
cautionary road safety note and is not an instruction to ones forth-coming general mental
heath. |
But never the less remains a somewhat ambiguous command. I
couldn't help but smile to myself on reading this, as the sentiments would fit in
beautifully with this month's commentary. It seems by all accounts that several folk in
Sheringham had already taken heed and went totally bonkers.
I have on good authority that in the early hours betwixt a Saturday and a Sunday, the
charming imp-like road painting elves gave Sheringham a visit. In due course they managed
to fashion on the road, outside the Lobster pub, in emulsion I might add, a fabulous hand
daubed roundabout. Oh what amusement they must have given all those unsuspecting drivers
as they (the driving public) realised that what everyone does already had been turned
(albeit by illegitimate means) into a roundabout. However the down side to this little
caper was that, so I'm told, the local constabulary were informed by the CCTV. Onlookers
were duly arrested or something, and asked not to do that sort of thing. After all, it
would give the council a bad name as nobody works after 5pm. They ought to know that. If
we did but know, that idea had probably already been included in Sheringham's regeneration
scheme next year and they didn't want to spoil the surprise! Great stuff lads! But you
could have waited until April fools day to do it! Still if we gave you a pot of yellow,
who knows what lines you might have come up with? Never mind no one takes any notice of
the ones that are already there so I don't suppose a few more would make any difference.
Now then, moving on and speaking of not making any difference. No I'm not talking about
the war on terrorism, I'm talking about the endless warnings of little boy dragsters,
racing the length and breath of our High Street and the fact that some folks were involved
in a recent hit and run incident (allegedly). I suppose it was only a matter of time when
this sort of thing would come to pass. Many others and I have been warning of such things
for some time. Not wishing to apportion blame as to the alleged incident. But is it
surprising when the reckless standard of some drivers combines with the invincible
untouchable attitude of some pedestrians prove to be a disastrous cocktail. I once saw in
the back of an old estate car a sticker that read: Keep death of the roads- Drive on the
pavements! I can't help thinking that in this case the lad who was knocked down in the
road might have wished the driver had heeded the same sentiments.
Well they say there's no smoke without fire and in Ireland at least, there's none
altogether! As last month saw the total ban of smoking in public bars etc. quite how
they're going to police that one I don't know? The sheer manpower alone would be a massive
burden on police resources. Still they could always ask to borrow some of ours. Yes we the
citizens of Sheringham, on a Friday night, have enough Bobbies to start our own private
army. It isn't any wonder therefore, that in fact the Norfolk Police burden to tax payers
commanded a 13.7% increase of the share this year. And why are they there? Well that's a
good question. Mainly it must be in response to public demands for a larger police
presence to control the ever-increasing population of hang-a-rounders at night. These
exuberant, mainly young individuals who legally have nowhere to go after ten at night need
to hang out somewhere. I can't say the youth of yesteryear didn't warn of this scenario
when, you the good Samaritans of Sunny Sheringham, demanded the closure of the Highwayman
Club! YOU'VE ONLY YOURSELVES TO BLAME! |
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So what are the alternatives? Well there's now the empty
Robin Hood pub. Why not commandeer that for the young ravers who like to stay up a bit
later than the news! Oh you don't need to worry about the serving of anything alcoholic,
as that place hasn't had anything to speak of for the last three months! Now I know some
of you might be a trifle bit worried at the prospect of having a venue of this nature in
the town centre. But I did read somewhere that statistically it is a documented fact that
most cases of drunken crime and criminality are perpetrated at just before and after
chucking out time. So I suppose in that vein of thinking, You could say I have the
solution. Which is, very simple (like me) and in two parts, (unlike me although there have
been rumours) One: Open All night, and Two, Lock them in until they all fall asleep in a
drunken stupor! I mean there's physically only so many Vodka Redbulls one can drink in a
session before you permanently keel over for the night. Of course, realistically, keeping
all the charming little cherubs in one place under the one roof surely would make policing
easier. Instead of, as now, having to spend most of the night playing a game cat and mouse
chasing them up and down Beach Road along the prom and up and over the Cliff Road car
park. Oh well I haven't as yet lost any sleep over it. Not like our recent change in the
clocks to British Summer time. Still it's no more than we should expect from an
administration that taxes everything else why not sleep?
If that were the case the House of Lords and the Commons on late night debates would be
raking it in. They've had extra out of us on fuel, fags, cars, sweets, shoes, chocolate
and salted peanuts "but to take away me hour", that just takes the biscuit! Well
17.5% of it anyway. It's all nearly as maddening as the surgeon who was suspended for
claiming his rightful serving of croutons. Poor love, why didn't someone have a quick whip
round instead of making an (it's more than my jobs worth) fuss? Well I guess that if he
was a brain surgeon he'll get his own back someday. But it seems in light of recent events
here in town he just might have done already!
That's all we have time for this month folks. I'd love to rabbit on but I'm trying to
finish the bunker before that Russian boat gets to port. See you later; take care now,
Vic.
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| Don't
Forget St George's Day - 23 April |
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