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Hello and welcome to yet another hearsay
column. This being the 39th. And still going strong. I do hope you enjoyed our Carnival
celebrations this year as much as last. Alas, This year I can not comment on them as such
because as I write this it has happened yet! |
But, have no fear by next time I shall report. Of course
my only hope is that we in Sheringham enter a few more floats than Holt’s three! Yep
that’s about as many as OUR beloved doctors that actually want to work after 6 and at
weekends! This of course is the news that we, in this region have to recruit Doctors from
Germany to fill in the hours that our very own won’t, or don’t want to do. And
all at a snip at £60 an hour. Plus expenses, Air fairs etc. So I thought, so as to help
make these individuals feel at home and at ease, I have put together a few phrases that
just might come in handy should you ever need assistance after tea time or during Sunday
lunch.
1/ Ich bin crank. I’m Ill
2/ Ich habe Fieber. I’ve got a fever
3/ Ich habe Schmerzen in der Brust. I have a pain in my chest
4/ Wo gibt es einen Arzt, der Englisch spricht? Where’s there a doctor who speaks
English? (But of course they all do.) And finally:
Wann sind die Sprechstunden? Und Wann kann der Arzt kommen? What are the
surgery hours? And what time can the doctor come?
And the answer to that one is obviously nowhere near as convenient as they should be; and
as long as it isn’t before 8.30am, at any time during the lunch hour and not a minute
after 6, any time at all. So long as they’re not up to their necks in paperwork,
golfing, off with stress and or holidays or engaged with a pre booked phone appointment.
Oh I nearly forgot you can if your patience is up to it, get to see one if you want to
wait half the afternoon sometimes but only if you’re lucky! It’s no wonder they
needed to start work on the new development at our own Cromer Road surgery to put on a
second floor. And then fill it with what exactly? They can’t cope with demand now! I
guess it leaves me to say that at the moment the only thing except the new surgery that is
going up in the world is my blood pressure.
Now according to recent news bulletins last month saw the unveiling of the new Three
Million pound Diana memorial fountain in London. Yes this huge polished Granite structure
is now the centrepiece of that beautiful park for all to enjoy. But hang on a MO.
Isn’t that Granite stuff the same material they used to bolster up Sheringham’s
Sea front And at Three Million smackaroonies not far off our sea defence budget either.
Such a shame me thinks the same effort couldn’t have been afforded to
Happisburg’s cliffs. I think that that might have been a more useful way of leaving a
permanent memorial for the good of many Norfolk people and other visitors alike. Not only
for now, but for the future visitors also. It’s all a bit of a slap in the face to
those poor people who are loosing their homes as we speak. Of course some would argue a
good old slap round the chops or the “lug’ole” would be a perfectly
legitimate course of action in certain circumstances as long as it’s not your kids.
But don’t despair just yet folks they’ve decided it’s still ok just as long
as you don’t leave any tell tale marks; Well none that leave “Morphy Richards
steam machine” at any rate. Still these days your kids can divorce you which might
seam quite an attractive option to some I suppose, as long as they don’t want a third
of your unearned income for the rest of your days unlike a footballer’s wife I could
mention. It’s all enough to want to make go for a long old hike round the town. Just
so as to cool down whilst taking in the sights. But for how long? I hear on the old
“grape vine” And on Sheringham’s great vintage me hears there’s a
rumour about the closure of Curtis lane or at least restrictive access. |
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Not so bad if you’re on foot or push bike but not so
good perhaps if you happen to live at the wrong end, depending on which end they close.
Yep the powers that be can’t help themselves can they? Some busy body has just got to
be sticking their nose in just so as to justify their job. It’s just a pity the
powers at be didn’t find that sticking their noses into the business of our grubby
hospitals a great priority up until now. But it took 5000 people a year to die before they
attempt to do anything about it. So on that premise we’ll be waiting for a roundabout
at the top of Hollway Road till doomsday before that death trap becomes a priority. How
many more crashes have there got to be up there before they shove in a street lamp and a
safer junction. Doesn’t it all make you want to run off and join the armed forces?
Only we’d better be quick. ‘Cause we’re not going to have much of one soon.
Our local Coltishall base is to be closed, our ships scrapped or mothballed, not even the
ancient Lord Chancellor and his wallpaper is going to get that treatment. Instead our
gallant boys and girls have to sit back and wait for the grounded technology to perform to
standard. The importation of the Euro fighters by the Gross and endure the ridicule of
Europe as we end up for the first time in modern history, with a navel fleet smaller than
France has. Never mind eh? We might still get a gold medal in the Olympics. Oops silly me
they don't do a category for dog racing do they? If they did we could enter the whole
country, and it’s a dead cert. to win.
Well that all sounded a bit like the old victor meldrewesque you know and love. As you can
see I haven’t lost the “ I don’t believe it” tone. Rumours are still
rife about what the Robin Hood pub is going to be and so far they seem to range from a
large pub chain to a Pole dancing club, not that I’ve ever seen a pole dance so I
should think that could be quite clever. Sorry I just had a surreal moment there as I
lapsed into fantasy with a not so oblique smile on my face. Any way look at the time! I
have to go. So for now I bid you farewell. I hope you had a great Carnival and enjoy
what’s left of the summer hols. So until next time take care. Vic |
GET
WELL SOON TO OUR CARTOONIST
FROM ALL AT THE PAPER |
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