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Hello folks and welcome to the 40th edition of
hearsay. Which incidentally is just about my mum’s age! – I wish – Who am I
kidding? No harm in trying though is there? Unfortunately, this edition brings with
it a rather solemn tone. That of the sad unexpected death of one of Sheringham’s well
known, loved, respected and now missed characters. John (Ghosty) West. R.I.P. – We
all have our special memories. -Vic. |
So to start with let’s hope for his sake that the
villain who perpetrated such a heinous ghastly crime will be incarcerated in more of a
secure place than that of a convicted rapist recently. Who, whilst out on “day
release” from open prison just happened to win Seven million pounds on the lotto!
Day release! What’s that all about for heaven's sake? Day release? Sounds like
some hairdressing student on a weekly trip to college. Well I only hope with all those
winning millions he is made to reimburse her majesty the full procurement at the going
rate for all arrears he accrued whilst held at her pleasure. My head races with trauma as
I fight to recount to find the answer to just what terrible evil acts one has to do in
this country to ensure a secure and lengthy incarceration behind bars. What’s that?
Oh yes silly me, of course! That’s it! Just don’t pay your council tax,
especially if you’re retired. You see I knew there was something. Of course you could
always do a Tony Martin defending your own home, that would do it too.
Now moving on. A while ago during one of our frequent downpours, our lovely over crowded,
overpriced, friendly (not) “Local Budgens convenience store” suffered from
slight flooding one morning leaving the staff no choice but to close for a while. At the
same time as the “water rained in” Sorry joke alert. And they took to mopping
the shop's personality off the floor. In other parts of our realm other local councils
grasped their extra charging powers with clenched fists and allowed parking fine cash to
“Flood in”. So much so in fact that they soon collectively accrued the handsome
sum of One Billion Quid! Sadly however, that same said pursuit of proactive action in
whisking away every illegally parked 4x4 or Audi estate to name but a few, seems to have
eluded our own local chaps at the council. And boy in this town during the summer
it’s at it’s worst. Especially at the narrow point at the North end of the High
Street. During the Hols. Like many other ordinary days, over crowded pavements spill
people onto the road along with skater boys with sparrow legs and “big hair” and
not to mention the million and one ice-cream munchin’ “’Ow muchers?!”
Couple these with frustrated motorists running the gauntlet of summer madness of babes in
pushchairs shoved into the paths of oncoming vehicles, beer bottles in the gutter and
tonnes of fast food waste, there must be an accident waiting to happen. So here’s a
note to the regeneration squad on behalf of every irate and stressed out motorist; Please,
please, please de- pedestrianise the street so we can drive on all the pavements
‘cause there’s no room on the road any more!!! Sorry my little joke again, well
that’s enough about that but you do see where I’m coming from don’t you?
Well I guess if you didn’t laugh you’d cry. Especially if you’re recently
had the government’s leaflet on what to do in the event of a disaster. And I
don’t mean the labour party losing the next election! All I want to know is when my
house falls on me after an explosion do I move towards a wall and tap on a pipe before or
after I pack my kit bag with torches candles mobile phones and local currency. One
wonders of course how one moves at all when you’re lying under 300 tonnes of bricks.
Myself like many of you wonder, is this just government pre-election spin or do they know
something we don’t? Either way £8 million was a lot of cash to be throwing around to
tell us all ostensibly what we all ready knew. Just as “the” party has told
Mandelson; If you can’t get a decent job here get into Europe. After all that
institution has been the biggest terrorist of all to the small businessman since we joined
up in the 70s, with at least 23 thousand pieces of legislation and rising by the day! |
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| Me thinks they should have given us a leaflet telling us
how to avoid DEATH BY TAX albeit council, personal, vat, fuel, business or otherwise. Is
it any wonder then, that good, honest and decent folk are leaving this land in droves in
search of a less taxed and bureaucratic lifestyle. Any way going back to “that
leaflet”. It’s not my idea of reassuring us what’s what. You see they
can’t or won’t tell us what to expect. So now we are expected to keep in a bag
by the door umpteen items just in case. And it all depends on what type of emergency
it’s going to be, whether or not I rake out my plastic chemical suit with gas mask or
my Marks and Spencer’s loyalty card for the purchase of tinned items such as beans
and corned beef. At least during the cold war in the 70s I could have rushed out to buy
my nuclear shelter for the back yard. You knew what to expect. It seemed like this time
they stopped just short of asking us to tape up the windows. Me thinks the 8 million could
have been better spent on keeping certain questionable elements out of the country in the
first place. Thank goodness we had the carnival to take our minds of things. With this
years Beach party held on the hottest night ever recorded. We had a memorable parade full
of colour and music and loads of folk who bothered to make the effort. The sandcastle
competition on the beach was ingenious where we all had to wait (literally) for the tide
to come in. personally I had to wait for my boat to come in when I learned how much the
fair ground rides would cost me on the car park. I just hope the council was suitably
reimbursed. Yes rides on the waltzers at 2 quid a throw or £6.00 a car if there were
three of you. Strewth! I remember the days I could have bought the whole shebang for less
and still had change for the bus ride home. Or at least for the bus ride back to the
common.
Incidentally the back common now resembles an early Norman fortification and without
ramparts as yet. I wonder that in a few years whether they’ll open it to the general
paying public. Who would come to view this “Castle common” with its “Beck
Moat” But alas I fear that the only bridge that may be drawn over it might just be
being burned and it’ll end up being Pistols at or Muskets at dawn. Is this yet
another attempt to disrupt the Tesco war machine?
Tha, tha, tha,tha, that’s all folks take now Vic. |
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