 God morrow my fair readers of olde Sheringham town, I
trust life bids you all well? Or to put it in modern text speak… Hija & ow R U
Gtin on 2 geva? I don’t know, what ever would Grandma say? And as Sir Winston
Churchill once penned so eloquently “ This sort of English up with which I will not
put” Said it all, but sadly that train of thought seems to have been nullified by all
these obscurantists out there, either that or they couldn’t spell it. Bless me just
as I abandoned the twentieth century the twenty first jumped up and gave me a discursive,
yet discreet awakening to all things modern. (including Veritas, speed-dating and Internet
lottery syndicates) My spelling, punctuation and general vocabulary skills have now been
given over to the new world boom in communications in the form of camra-vidio-phones the
size of a shrew’s codpiece and text messaging. Evan the political parties have gotten
in on the act by texting thousands of young potential new voters in the hope they will be
persuaded to put a kiss- sorry- an “X” in the appropriate box come polling day.
Spooky though how these political machines know everyone’s mobile numbers isn’t
it?Which neatly all-be-it slightly obscurely leads me onto my next bit. As you may be aware my deadline for this column sadly runs out prior to the general election day so I can’t comment on the results as yet. But just give me time (as was the cry from many of the patrons at a Cynthia Payne’s “party”) Anyway who ever we/you may or may not have elected /re-elected into power. Hands up all those out there who thought I should have run for election this, or maybe next time? Oh well I guess the deaf vagrant at the back of the room thought I was giving out cigs. And free bus passes. I hope you’ve all got yours ready to send off to all your relatives and friends so that they can come and visit “your” Hotels R Us even more than they do already during the holiday season. (It is but a small price to pay to be living next to the sea.) Yes folks this is because this year, Sheringham is the Town to come to. Countless TV camera and crews have graced and paced our streets already this year. Sheringham is most definitely the place to be seen… spitting, tucking into heart attack heaven and fighting for a place in the kebab shop queue on a Friday night. These TV camera folk can’t help themselves, even three-year-old out of date stories about lotto winners of sorts get the headlines and a TV airing. It seems what ever happens we’re there on the 6-o clock news. And what’s next I hear you cry? What can possibly be worthy of airtime? Will it be the countless, careless, lazy people of all ages, who can’t be bothered to use the light crossing provided at great expense, I might add, at the Cromer Road/ Weybourne Road / Hollway road round-a-bout junction. Who put their lives in jeopardy every time they cross the road out side the safety of the barriers. Vic’s telling you now, stop it or sooner or later somebody is going to get run down and squashed. So don’t do it ok? Now moving swiftly on to the news that the owners of the Upper Sheringham pub - The Red Lion - might unfurl the wrath of local villages, as the news spreads about outline plans that have gone in to the planners with plans to close the existing public house. Changing the use of the property into a domestic dwelling and to build a new pub/hotel across the road. Me thinks however that that plan may well go down as well as orthodox Catholicism ordaining gay women priests. A great angle for the telly there perhaps, the pub I mean and not the women priest thingy. Oh I don’t know though, to some quarters that might have a wider appeal altogether. Unfortunately not so appealing either is this idea of a wind farm just of our beaches. Personally I don’t know what all the fuss is about? This local topic has been debated over and over again and quite honestly with all the hot air being banded about by some, they might well have generated enough wind to further inflate the already alter egos of our off, and onshore planners already. One thing is for certain, there have always been plenty of old winds in Sheringham, and it’s just that some are more favourable than others! Never mind if it all gets too much we can call time out and nip down to the beach for some quietude, carrying with us our purchases of beach gear and clobber from the new Beachwear shop in the high street. Ideal for those who have come on their visitations leaving behind their bodyboard, bikini and fluorescent goggles for shark spotting. It all adds to the ambience of this cultural centre of quaint and quirky retail outlets that makes the place so … What’s the word? quintessentially sea-sidey. Ah doesn’t it give you that Bisto feeling when you say it like that? Well that’s about it for this week. Watch this space for more topical news, gossip, and trivial banter in next month’s edition. Got lots to do to start the electioneering campaign for the next general election. Thought I’d get a head start and start colouring in the posters now, as all this fluorescent orange around here is beginning to hurt mine eyes. Take care now. Vic. SHERINGHAM in BLOOM
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