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HEAR'SAY
Happy New Year and welcome to issue number 5. The first of 2003. I sincerely hope
you all had a wonderful happy festive holiday. |
Now that the forty helpings of left over turkey curry and rissoles have come to an end, we
can, at last look forward to the oncoming months with relief that "It's all
over" for a while anyway. At least until the pre - Xmas sales in June! Now that we
are all a few pounds (or should that be grams now) heavier, perhaps it's time to take up
some physical activities to get oneself fit and rid us of our excesses accrued over the
party season. If like me you have over indulged in the mince pie and tea department
(Incidentally, for some the tea was sadly hard to come by at the High schools OAP Xmas tea
party in December) you probably feel that you need to take up a new pursuit. Perhaps
dancing or carpet bowls. If you can find a hall to practice in that is! A problem many
folks know about all too well and I will be coming back to this in a tick.
Well here we are at the start of 2003 when we all make a New Year's resolution or two. In
the past I have examined through this column in text, some of Sheringham's less than
perfect points, but only in terms of how we might enhance our lovely sleepy little town we
already enjoy so much. I stress the word sleepy. Most lights around here are out by six
p.m. and lit again at five in the morning. So what a cheery sight it is, when before
Christmas one could look around certain parts of the town to see Blackpool illuminations
using up one fifth of the national grid. Yes illuminating everything from 8-foot Father
Christmas to flashing ducks!
Anyway, on to my next train of thought. I've been doing a little cerebral doodling whilst
on my Christmas break and I wondered what kind of New Year resolutions our elected powers
that be, might like to promise us, the people of Sheringham for the coming year. I thought
their opening statement to us might read as follows:
Dear electorate citizens of Sheringham, we the elected majesties, duly declare our
manifesto for the coming year is as follows: We your local ivory tower power-lords,
promise;
1. To bring back, to all those energetic enough to enjoy it, the Carnival pram race; to
provide beds, castors, water pistols, crowd control for the inevitable ensuing riot and
all relevant safety gear.
2. We promise to give the people of Sheringham and district a cart track on the adjoining
railway sidings and surrounding land and waste grounds for all to enjoy. Also doubling up
as a retraining site to re-educate and further enhance the driving skills of all those
short sighted Zimma-frame owner-drivers. Who need to learn how to negotiate and
successfully execute a manoeuvre around the Cromer Road round a bout without hesitation,
who at present take approximately half an hour to turn right!
3. We promise to fund and erect a trampoline area on Ottendorf Green, so that all
exasperated good drivers can relieve their tensions of the day.
4. We promise the provision of proper parish hall facilities for those wishing to continue
short bowl and afternoon tea-dance activities.
5. We promise to provide a 24 hour manned police station service in Sheringham, having
more than one police officer on duty within a twenty-mile radius on a Sunday!
Oh well I guess four out of five wouldn't be bad! The |
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impossible we can manage, but
miracles take a little longer.
It looks as if that last one is as likely as ex Marks and Spencer staff working over
Christmas for zilch!
Or first time burglars getting a stretch!
So what a bout it? These promises. Well, with the annual pram race we could, I suppose,
use it to assess and study the effects of a one-way traffic system north of the town
clock. However, to reflect the modern times in which we live, any re-enactment should see
the throwing of flower, water and eggs as in Mr.Pegg's day, replaced with the hurling of
beer cans, hooch bottles, racist taunts and loads of stuff and nonsense about the moral
implications of the effects of a large food store coming to town.
At least they seem to have a plan about where they'd like to go. Unlike the St Peter's
Church hall users, I feel for them and on reflection I might just have come up with the
answer.
I suggest they look no further than the North Norfolk Railway Poppy line. Or at least some
of the redundant, rusty carriages that are currently taking up space in the sidings at the
Sheringham Station. In fact the only welcome sight up that end of the market these days is
the chip van on a Saturday. Half the price of the chips in town I might well add. Yes a
couple of these sorry sights could be used and lined up and joined together end to end.
These then could house the short mat carpet bowls club. The carpet could then be rolled up
at night to make way for the local "old-time and sequence dancers". However, due
to lack of girth perhaps these people should consider changing the tempo to "line
dancing" instead, perhaps even taking a plunge back in time and doing the locomotion.
Oh, how I hear you groan!
Now moving on, the dinning car could be used for harvest suppers and the toddlers that use
the hall during the first part of the Sunday services could be put to good use stoking the
engines ready to do the afternoon run to Holt. Perhaps the dancers, during the summer,
could raise extra revenue for their clubs by giving demonstrations and lessons down the
aisles to amuse and educate the train passengers as they leisurely steam along. Journeying
to the far-a-way-exotic distant station of Weybourne, slowing briefly as they pass the
Major's abode, perhaps even catching a glimpse or even a wave from the celebrities
themselves. Or maybe not if they've just popped out to the chippy. (Curry is still out of
bounds for some).
So that's my solution. But it still doesn't tackle the problem of the hall usage and the
reasons for getting rid of it in the first place. I guess the church should get back to
its raise a penny appeal instead of raising a stink!
Happy New year everyone!
Vic |
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Sheringham Shantymen
January
18th 19:30 Whites 01263665
Sheringham Isla St Clare
28th 15:00 N/Blues 01263 713 647
Holt Blind Club (Dog Watch) |
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