 " Hic; Good constinoon offable! Hic" Oh do pardon me, you see, Only I've just had a jar or three in the boats, to get over the journey from Norwich. And as I had to walk in from there on Carnival day I've only just arrived! You see when earlier I attempted to navigate my car round the town, between the closed off bits, half a dozen times on carnival day looking for a parking space in the town, on the main car park or on the common etc. The nearest place I could station my 7 series BMW (NOT! I wish) was the Airport Park and ride, and apparently none of those buses had the convenience of coming this way! So to get to the point, may I first congratulate those councillors of Sheringham town council, on behalf of all Cromer residents and business folk who would like to thank them unreservedly for the support our council gave them by way of extra business on Sheringham carnival day. With out our council's stubborn, outrageous refusal, to allow parking on the common as an overflow park, thousands of holiday grockles had to take flight (not literally you understand, so as to avoid confusion as to my first paragraph) to Cromer and beyond. And many did / could not return to Sheringham for all the fun and games as we were somewhat hindered by lack of space. Indeed in their wisdom. SOME of our councillors felt that on carnival day (probably one of the most important commercial days in the year for the town) it was more important to allow potential custom to go else where rather than to do a "U-turn" and allow the carnival committee to put the common, as in previous years, to very good use. Of course these Ivory tower barons and baronesses have let it be known that it is perfectly sound to use the very same said land for a car-boot the week before and as I write, a fairground for pities sake! Also, with permission I'm told, I can graze my goats, horses, livestock and bantams or a sheep or two as it is "our common" not so much "ours" any more is it? And anyway who these days wants to graze their sheep. Don't they realise the thing might munch it's way through a rare buttercup or even a newt? Besides who in this day and age has any livestock other than Fido and a goldfish unless of course you're French. In which case if you have so much as a goat and a cockerel in the same backyard you're a farmer and qualify for E.U. subsidies. Me thinks I'll apply, and use mine to build an activity/holding centre for all these active Anti-Sheringham councillors. It would be very nice and hold such activities as to be conducive to their way of thinking. It would have needle point every Wednesday talks about how to mend a fishing net and the ever so stimulating, and I can hardly contain my excitement; slide show on the traveller in Devon and his suitable footwear! Isn't it a shame that this article will be published too late for the town's elections? Personally I should like to see these offenders put in the stocks every Sunday, but that would just be a waste of Morrisons lettuce and an over cooked kipper. Now talking of which I can no longer suppress my spontaneous laughter. And I do apologise to any neighbours that may have thought that they were living next to a demented imbecile. No in fact it was just little old me, rolling about with hysterics at the news from Wells. Yes I Just can't take it all in. (Said Craig! Or possibly not). This fact that it was announced that some disgruntled new-comers to that town were being disturbed buy some gulls and that their answer was obvious? Yep the locals were to go out and shoot the lot of them! Not only that, but they wanted the local fishermen's boat engines to be silenced as well. Tally ho jodhpurs! What a dammed fine ideology what? Well, whatever's next? Not a bad idea though in principle is it? If something noisy and smelly and somewhat unsightly starts to annoy you, ring up the council and ask them to shoot it! I bet the thug lottery winner Carol's neighbours wish they had have thought of that one. And come to think of it there's been a few too many (for my liking) rowdy hooligans in town lately who have been just a little too handy in having a smashing time. As the owner of Mr 50 and Solos sign-board, as examples will testify. These in-comers make me laugh, as they have, in the past, complained of cooking smells when moving in next to a pub, smelly muck spreading in the country and even getting the bird version of an asbo served on the owner of a noisy cockerel. And what about here in Sheringham? Are they going to shoot the coxswain of the lifeboat every time the maroons go off in the sleepy afternoon? Are they going to get the fishermen to spray air-freshener over the crab bait as they wait for the tide, Oh and worst of all no loud talking by anyone in the street that might cause offence to the infirm or of a nervous imposition. Your job Mr Tony Nelson could be for the chop! Yep, I can see it now. Nothing would be safe. No more cooing doves early in the mornings over the car parks. And that absolute eyesore of a karate chopped roof on the Quaker hall would have to go along with any open-air karaoke night at the Crown or else where. It would be the end of Sheringham life Jim but not as we know it. And who's to say the Clingons don't deserve another chance. Confused? Never mind some readers will get the joke, if you didn't perhaps you should get out a little more. Well that nearly raps it up for this month. I feel so much better for getting that one off my chest I think I'll just nip off home now for a bite of pigeon pie. I've got time to make one now again as big brother is finally over thank goodness. Life can return in earnest. Well done "Ant" so long Craigy old boy, He lives to blub another day. Take care now Vic. St. Peter's Church Sheringham |
