 Hello and welcome to yet another Valentines edition of hearsay. Yes yours truly is at this very moment still trying to empty the last of his three Garden waste bins of wilting roses I received for the big day from wanting admirers. Ouch! Excuse me whilst I gather myself off the floor as I seemed to have been dreaming again. So who's sent off their form with their submission for their town's best Bin men challenge then? No? Not surprised really, as certainly around my way the working bin man phenomena was about as rare these new science-bred luminescent pigs! Oh how we all faithfully placed our plastic bulks out in the cold before seven each morning. (And no, I don't mean our other half either) Only to find that, not only were our council's guidelines and instructions for collection not forthcoming that day, but actually in my case, were failed to be seen until four days later. And that was before we had any snow! Still the poor chaps have been working very hard to clear the backlog and good authority tells me that all will be well by 2010 weather permitting. Not to worry eh? The government has a new initiative to clean up the streets. Yep this is the news that action is to be taken to rid the pavements of scummy sticky stuff, Poo and prostitutes! And according to a certain councillor, who shall remain nameless, a certain neighbouring race of cousins just across the channel would be wiped from the sole of his shoe. After all he didn't trust them and never has. So I guess the council's annual dinner won't include any Frogs legs unless they are in stocks! Or pomme frits straight out of Dave's Two! Mind you there is one other old town relic he might like to give his name to and that's the old cannon barrel on the corner of gun street that's holding up the lobster. That was given to the town to ward off any unwanted advances by a marauding French man. However as I understand it, in typical fashion the Government didn't include any ammo so the only good use it might have been was as a gate post. Still we'd have stopped them wouldn't we Mac? We had plenty of Swedes and pitchforks. After all they don't like it up 'em Mr Manwaring! They certainly do not like it up 'em. No we won't have any of that, any more than posting live hamsters through the post whatever next? Cabinet ministers not paying their council Tax? No It can't be, they would never undertake such a thing, 'course not! Now then what have we to endure in the coming months ahead. Well, firstly we are about, if it hasn't started already, to undertake our first phase of street dressing. Which, in case there is any confusion is not grabbing the nearest frock and prancing about outside the town clock posing as Carmen. (I do wish someone had told me that!) Yes this is the news that we are about to receive our very own red brick road. Yes and if you click your heels together and make a wish it will take you straight from "Frenchkinshipland" to the great Wizard of Ottendorf Green, who by all accounts has now sold the rest of it to the North Norfolk Railway. Toot, Toot Norwich and beyond here we come! Who knows maybe even Hogwarts? Just look out for the pillar on platform 9 and 3/4s. And if you're really lucky you might even get a glimpse of Crimper Craig strutting his stuff in the big bad city. Apparently Sheringham isn't big enough for him and in London there was definitely too much to handle! Almost as was the news of a Tesco phone poll to add to the excitement. Imagine my glee when I learned that I might have a lovely person ring me up during my tea time menu of Emmerdale, egg hors d'oeuvres, French fries and curried frog gravy, washed down with a chilled glass of Chablis or three. To tell you the truth Unwins didn't have much in at the time! Anyway as yet, this delight has not occurred, nor do I know of anyone who has had a call. Perhaps like me they are all on these preference, non-nuisance call thing-a-me-gigs. Still it would have made a change from aggressive double glazing salesperson trying to off-load ten grand's worth of conservatory to elderly folk on the third floor of a residential flat complex. Or I hasten to add, a poor post- graduate from the Asian basin trying to come to terms with what "Bog Off" means in a broad Norfolk accent. But I am happy to say that that kind of offishness is reserved only for a small group of clerical staff who have a degree in the science of bloody mindedness and ruthless misery on their faces who enjoy their more than their job's worth attitude and apply it wholeheartedly. I cannot say who the culprits were, but you know! Thank you Mr. "M" for your communication and observations, I hope that this little note settles your gripe, although perhaps you should take your complaint to the practice manager. Oops! Me and my big mouth! Now then don't let that get you down these girls have a lot to contend with and on a good day they can be quite helpful. Especially when they open the doors on time at 8.20 am! But don't expect an appointment until 8.30, the poor girl's simply NOT allowed to make you one until HALF PAST EIGHT! Never mind eh, most of those would have been booked the day before. Don't know how, as you're not supposed to make one until the day you need it. One of life's little mysteries that. Ta ta. Take care now, and what ever you do keep healthy, Vic.
Saturday Super Sale
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